I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
