i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
