I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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