Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
