i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
