Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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