I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
