This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
