you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
