You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
