I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
