did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
