I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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