I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
