I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
