also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
