It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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