Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
