3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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