Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
