Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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