Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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