On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
