epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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