Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
