The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
