I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
