You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We left the knife in your bed.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
