Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
