my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
