I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
