dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
