You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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