He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
