Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
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