oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
