do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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