Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
