you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
