I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
