I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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