I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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