Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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