I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
