Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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