she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
