I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
