dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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