just come out here and I will go home with you...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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