Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
