What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
