I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
