i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
