I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
