Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
